Pushed Beyond the Limit: ReEdited
by Maranni123
Summary: Everyone has their limits. When visions of another time start to drive Jim to his own limits, will Spock and McCoy be able to rescue him in time? Original story re-edited for your reading pleasure. K/S.
1. Chapter 1

Pushed Beyond the Limit

By: Maranni123

Chapter One

Disclaimer: **PLEASE READ!** Hello my readers and reviewers. If you were wondering where I've been for the past gazillion months, the answer would be here: Editing. A short story, if you will. This November is NaNoWriMo. And as I was wonder what story to work on this year, I realized that NaNoWriMo is exactly what I need to get Pushed Beyond the Limit edited and finished. :D

So here it is! Edited and finished for your reading pleasure! An update every day or two in order to reach my word goal of 50,000! And while I will still be writing an original story for NaNoWriMo, I'll also be finishing PBTL. This, I swear! So please, enjoy the edits and the fixes, as well as the story. There will be changes, some small and some big. The original "PBTL" got a little bit out of hand, so I'm reeling back the characters and the plots. So... yeah. Enjoy! :D I'll never own Star Trek. Ever.

Beta: The wonderful T'Key'la helped me with this long ago. :)

**(xXxXxXx)**

It took a long time for anyone to really notice anything amiss with their captain. That they noticed anything at all was a miracle in itself. The crew of the Enterprise had known their new captain for a total of seven months, three days, and twenty-eight minutes, according to Commander Spock. Although Captain James T. Kirk was an open guy, they still didn't know much about him, save for the ship's CMO, Dr. McCoy, who'd became Jim's new best friend the moment the two had met on the shuttle to the Academy. However, even the good doctor failed to notice anything amiss about Jim or his behavior, which was yet another miracle.

It was month seven of the Enterprise's five-year long mission. To explore worlds unknown and to make peaceful ties with the many races they were bound to meet. The crew had just survived a not-exactly-peaceful encounter with the inhabitants of the planet Mizor VI, a planet that had been known only for its famous entertainment, similar to the ancient Earth Romans, and they had learned the hard way that the inhabitants of Mizor VI didn't really like having anyone from Starfleet on their planet. When Jim had voiced this to McCoy, the CMO had simply rolled his eyes.

"Yes Jim, they didn't like us," McCoy had said sarcastically. "How did you guess that? The spears they threw at us or the poison they slipped you at the dinner they planned?"

Nevertheless, with McCoy's sarcasm aside, the crew had been through a lot. Even Spock seemed a little tired out, which said something. So when Jim took his place in the captain's chair with black bags under his eyes the day after their lucky escape from Mizor VI, most likely from lack of sleep, no one really thought twice about it. Jim was the youngest captain in Starfleet history. And to top it off, they'd just come back from a stressful mission. He was probably just stressed out the piles and piles of paper work that he no doubt had to deal with it.

Then there was the day after that, when Jim had been ten minutes late for shift. Well, that had probably been just a simple mistake. Jim had laughed it off when Spock had asked him why he was late and had told everyone that he'd been lost in his paper work. And that was the end of that. A simple explanation for a simple question.

The crew saw nothing extremely out of the ordinary. The bags under his eyes, the way Jim seemed to stare out into space as they were traveling, the way he would sometimes be caught staring at someone for long periods of time. All of these were brushed off with simple explanations and were completely legitimate as far as the crew was concerned.

So what if Jim didn't hit on Uhura anymore or if he started to distance himself from his crew? So what if he seemed to always be busy whenever Spock would invite him for a game of chess or if he skipped out on a few meals here and there? It only meant that their captain was becoming more mature and had little time for anything other than work.

Besides, it wasn't like Jim never acting like his old self. He still made visits to Sick Bay solely to annoy McCoy, he still took most of his meals with the main crew in the mess hall, and he still participated in the bi-weekly poker game that Scotty held down in the engines. Jim was still Jim. Only the crew was starting to see more and more of Captain Kirk and less and less of Jim.

The crew thought little of it though. They had their own work to focus on. It was quite an impressive feat to become bored on a starship, so everyone always had something to do. It was only after a few weeks had passed since that last stressful away mission did the crew finally start to see that something was wrong with their captain.

"Captain? Captain Kirk? Did you hear me?"

It took him a moment, but eventually Jim looked up from the patch of floor he'd been staring at and gave Uhura a small smile, one that didn't fully reach his eyes. "I'm sorry Lieutenant?" he asked softly. "I'm afraid I wasn't listening. What did you say?"

Uhura fought the urge to bite her lip in worry from her station. It was no secret aboard the Enterprise that the beautiful Communication's Officer held a respectful work relationship only with her Captain. They didn't speak much outside the bridge, although Jim was constantly trying to get her to open up to him.

If Uhura were to be honest, she was still a bit miffed about Jim hitting on her at that bar and how he treated Spock after his mother had died. But she was still concerned for him. She would be heartless otherwise and he was acting weird, like he wasn't even there.

"Sir, we're receiving a message from Starfleet Command from Admiral Pike," she said, her dark eyes locked onto the tired baby blues of her captain.

Jim was silent, causing both Chekov and Sulu to glance over to him from their own positions at the helm, worry printed clearly on their faces. A call from Pike was usually a good thing for their captain. Pike was like the father Jim never had and held great respect and fondness for the man. Now, Jim looked as if he didn't care if Pike wanted to chat or not.

Uhura was silent for a moment as well, before she spoke again. "Shall I patch it through, Captain?" she asked.

Jim blinked, as if coming out of a dream, and then nodded, his face still oddly blank and void of emotions. It would give any Vulcan a run for their money "Yes," he answered quietly. "Patch it through Lieutenant."

Uhura nodded, and then turned back to her station while Chekov and Sulu exchanged worried glances. Jim was acting so weird. Even Spock snuck a look over to Jim out of the corner of his eye, concern growing in his side. True, he and Jim had started out badly, with both parties regretting their actions towards each other before and during the Nero incident, Jim probably more so than Spock.

However, to everyone's surprise, after discovering that they would be spending the next five years together as Captain and Commander, Spock and Jim had quickly put aside their bad beginning and had started anew. They had become friends, mostly thanks to chess and the fact that having the two commanding officers at each other's throats was bad for crew morale, but friends none-the-less. They were close and Spock knew that Jim considered him to be one of his "bestest friend", along with the doctor.

Spock allowed the smallest of frowns to grace his features as his train of thought wandered further. Now that he truly thought about it, he couldn't remember the last time he and the Captain had played chess. The once nearly night time ritual was now nearly non-existent. Every time Spock had offered, Jim had been forced to decline thanks to his duties and the never-ending piles of paper work that followed Jim wherever he went.

Of course, Spock had understood. Being in charge of four hundred plus more crew members, along with their activities and general well-being, was a very demanding job and it was no surprise that the Captain had little time for chess. Still, he was worried, in his own Vulcan way.

However, before he could continue his line of though, the video feed came through, showing Admiral Pike's friendly face and Spock immediately slipped back into First Officer mode, making a mental note to question the Captain later on his odd behavior.

Jim, who was trying to look more awake than he actually was, gave Pike a respectful nod. "Admiral Pike," he said, his tone formal and cool. "It is good to see you again sir."

Pike smiled, although it was clear to everyone that he seemed taken aback by Jim's formal greeting. "Captain Kirk," Pike said with fondness clear in his voice. "It's been too long! How is the Enterprise and her captain?"

Jim smiled softly at the screen, though his heart wasn't in it.

"The Enterprise is going well, as is her crew sir," he reported, still so formal and cold. "We hit a snag with the people of Mizor VI and were forced to return to the ship, as you no doubt read in my report. Despite that however, things have been fine. And you, Admiral?"

Pike held his smile in place, but the surprise in his eyes was clear to everyone. Jim was rarely so formal with the Admirals who hated him. Jim always made it very clear to everyone that he got a near sick pleasure out of riling the "old bastards" up, but he was never this formal to Pike, of all people.

"I'm doing fine as well," the Admiral answered, albeit a bit more slowly than before. "Although I must admit that being an Admiral isn't as exciting as being a Captain."

Jim nodded, his eyes still oddly void of emotions. "I'm sure you have many duties Admiral," he said softly. "Is there something I can do for you today, sir?"

Pike nodded slowly, frowning softly as the surprise turned to concern. "Yes. Captain Kirk," he said just as softly. "You've been assigned to escort the Ambassador Selek of New Vulcan to Starfleet Headquarters, effective immediately."

Everyone waited for Jim to ask why they were bringing the Ambassador of New Vulcan to Starfleet Headquarters, waited for Jim's usual curiosity, but Jim simply nodded again. "Yes sir," he said obediently. "We will change our course for New Vulcan immediately. Mr. Sulu?"

Sulu nodded, though he sighed softly as he punched in the coordinates for New Vulcan. What was wrong with the Captain? Pike seemed to be completely surprised. His expression would have been comical if the majority of the crew wasn't as worried as they were. A second passed with an uncomfortably silence before Pike spoke again.

"Captain," he began slowly. "Is everything…alright? You seem…distracted today."

Jim frowned softly, and then looked down at the floor. Silence filled the bridge for another seemingly long moment, before Jim let out a sigh and looked back up to Pike. A weary smile was on his face, but it was a real smile this time.

"Sorry Pike. I'm just a bit tired," Jim said as he leaned closer to the screen, his posture shifting to a more relaxed position. "Just don't tell Bones though, okay? That man is looking for any excuse to hypo me in the neck these days and sleep deprivation isn't a good enough excuse for him to stab me."

Pike let out a relieved laugh, the tension in the entire bridge slowly ebbed away as the captain began to act like his normal self. "Come now Captain," Pike joked. "I'm sure your CMO is doing a fine job of keeping you and your crew healthy."

Jim's smile grew and he leaned back into his chair. "Yeah," he said fondly Bones is awesome like that." He sighed and stretched out his arms as he asked, "So, what's going on at Starfleet that calls for Ambassador Selek? Something top secret that you're going to tell me despite regulations because I'm awesome like that?"

Pike's smile returned and the crew of the Enterprise relaxed a bit. Their Captain was back. "Well, that's classified Captain," Pike said with a smirk. "Classified to all awesome and non-awesome captains alike."

Jim stuck his tongue out at the screen. "No fair," he pouted childishly. "I bet you could tell me but you just don't want to."

Pike gave Jim a wink and nodded. "Good luck on your mission Captain," he said. "I've transferred the finer details to your quarters."

Jim nodded as well and flashed Pike a smile. "Captain Awesome Kirk out." Pike simply rolled his eyes affectionately before the video feed was disconnected.

The only things on the screen now were the stars in front of the Enterprise. Jim took in a breath and allowed it to whoosh out before he looked up and around the bridge, giving his crew a small smile. "My apologize guys," he said softly. "I didn't mean to weird you out or anything back there. You know, with the whole staring-into-space thing."

Chekov gave his Captain a bright, relieved smile while Sulu shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "No need to be apologizing Keptain," Chekov said happily. "We understand."

Spock raised his eyebrow in his classical Spock fashion. "Ensign Chekov is correct Captain. Apologizes are not required," he added blandly. "Although I would strongly suggest that you visit Dr. McCoy if you're experiencing sleeping issues, despite your earlier apprehension concerning the doctor's fondness of the hypospray."

Jim nodded softly, giving Spock a small smile, although he avoided his First Officer gaze. "Yes, Mr. Spock," he sighed, standing up from his chair. "I think you might be right."

The half-Vulcan showed no outer signs of his ever growing concern as Jim made his way to the turbo lift, ever in control of his emotions. However, the fact that Jim had not commented on Spock's statement and was willingly going to Sick Bay for a medical reason was cause enough to be alarmed. Normally it was a battle getting Jim to his monthly physicals. Perhaps he was, indeed, ill?

Jim noticed Spock watching him and offered the half-Vulcan a small smile and a swift," You have the bridge Mr. Spock.", before the door slid shut.

Once inside the turbo lift, alone, Jim felt his smile slowly slip from his face. He looked down sadly at his feet as the turbo lift started up for Sick Bay and closed his eyes.

'I'm okay,' he thought. 'I'm fine. I'm James T. Kirk, I can handle anything. I'm…' Jim shivered, his hands creeping up to grasp at the sides of his head, the floor beneath him starting to spin as that now familiar feeling began to creep up onto him. 'No... I'm okay. I swear... I...'

_'…Judging from my observations, Captain, you're rapidly losing the power of decision… his negative side… lust…and his positive side… compassion… love…'_

Letting out a breath, Jim tried to get a hold on himself as his vision blurred for a moment before settling once again. Spock had said that to him and McCoy, in Sick Bay. Jim could remember it, even if the memory was a bit fuzzy.

'But…that never happened,' Jim thought. 'Spock…we've only been friends for a short time…and he looked…older…'

Jim let out a small moan as his head started to pound, bright visions flashing before his eyes. Or rather…he heard them. Flashes of colors, forms, and shapes flashed before him, but he couldn't really make out what they were, only managing to recognize a few key differences. The sounds, however, were more persistent, more recognizable.

_'…Captain…are you alright?' _

Jim moaned again, the turbo lift doors opening to let him stubble out into the hall. That voice…it was Spock, Jim was sure of it. But he sounded…worried. Almost fearful. A loud roar replaced Spock's voice, the roar sounded like a cave-in or a rock slide. Dust was in the air and Jim coughed, stumbling through the hall, his legs automatically trying to lead him to Sick Bay. Perhaps on a subconscious level, he knew he needed help.

_'...Jim? ...Jim?'_

Jim frowned, his eyelids fluttering as he finally managed to reach Sick Bay, his hands clinging to the walls to prevent him from falling flat on his face. 'Spock…would never call me Jim…never show emotion…'

"I'm alright Spock," he mumbled as he approached the Sick Bay door. "I'm okay. Don't be afraid for me. We have... to focus on the mission... Spock..."

Jim raised a hand and pushed on the Sick Bay's door, as if he'd forgotten that they slid open. Stumbling into Sick Bay, he let out a sad laugh as he fell onto the floor, McCoy's surprised yell barely reaching him.

"Bones...," Jim moaned. "I don't feel good…"

Then, Captain James T. Kirk passed out and fell into darkness, his only companion being the strange and painful visions that haunted him, day and night.

**(xXxXxXx)**

A/N: And that is the end of the edited version of chapter one of Pushed Beyond the Limit. :D Hope you enjoyed it as much as you did the first time. :D Good night.


	2. Chapter 2

Pushed Beyond the Limit

By: Maranni123

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: And chapter two. You know, looking back on my past work, I found myself wondering how you all managed to find out who was talking and who wasn't. Seriously, it was like I was making a point to never write the word "said." :P Anyway, here's the edited second chapter. Still don't own Star Trek. Sadness. ;D Enjoy. And just to make things clear, some changes will be small. The first few chapters I'm keeping pretty much the same, although I can't say the same for the other chapters. :D

Beta: T'Key'la was my beta during this chapter as well, along with some others. :) Ah, memories.

**(xXxXxXx)**

The colors seemed to be smothering him, suffocating him. They were taking away his very breath. His heart was pounding so hard, his entire body was shaking. Jim gasped for breath and he whimpered as the colors swirled across his vision and his senses were overloaded. A room. The soft sound of a sigh.

_'…I am a carrier…whatever happens… can't go back…to the ship…' _

Jim let out a soft moan as he fought for air. He clawed at his face, trying to see something, anything. He couldn't see anything, he couldn't see damn it! And Spock…was he sick? Why couldn't he go back to the ship? What was wrong with him?

'I can't leave him,' Jim thought frantically as he fought off the darkness that seemed to surround him. 'Where's Bones? Spock is sick! I can't leave him behind! Leave me instead, but don't leave him!'

What Jim didn't know was that instead of fighting off darkness, he was actually fighting off Doctor McCoy, who was trying to give Jim a hypo to reduce the man's rapidly growing fever. And after Jim had managed to throw in a few good punches that actually met their marks, McCoy was starting to become more pissed than usual.

"Jesus Christ, Jim!" McCoy cursed as Jim's fist nearly smashed into his face. Again. "Will you just stay still and let me help you? Fuck!"

When Jim had collapsed onto the Sick Bay floor earlier, the man had still been somewhat coherent. McCoy had managed to get Jim onto a bed without much struggle from the captain, but after he had laid Jim down, the man had started thrashing and moaning. It was obvious that Jim was hallucinating, thanks to his massive fever that the doctor could easily solve with a hypo if only Jim would stop thrashing about. McCoy growled softly as he dodged another punch.

"Damn it Jim," he said breathlessly. "I don't have time for this!" And with that, McCoy knocked Jim's arm away and pushed the hypo into his Captain's neck.

Jim let out a cry as the cool hypo hit his throat, more colors flashing before his eyes, taking shape into fuzzy forms he could hardly see that faded away just as quickly as they came. A terror filled him, a terror that Jim had only rarely felt in his entire life time. A terror so gripping, it caused his very breath to whoosh out of his lungs.

_'…I do want to go back to the ship…Captain…' _

Jim let out a sound similar to a sob. 'I know Spock!' he thought, his hazy mind trying to formulate a plan that could somehow save his First Officer. 'I want you on the ship too. I don't want you gone!'

The colors took the shape of Spock, although he looked much older and almost emotional. He looked like a younger version of Ambassador Spock, or Selek as he was known to everyone else. And his eyes…they were giving Jim the same look that Spock always gave to Uhura, even after the two had ended their romantic relationship. It was a soft look. A look of trust and companionship and, dare Jim think it, love.

'No…no…' Jim shook his head softly. 'Spock... he would never... never look at me like that! Not even now.'

The image of Spock smiling ever so slightly at him faded, much to Jim's dismay and relief, and he let out another moan. The hypo starting to take effect, working its wonderful medical magic, and Jim took in a greedy gulp of air as his body started to cool down, much to McCoy's relief. But those visions, hallucinations, the colors and sounds, didn't stop. Jim moaned again as he opened his eyes slightly to look over to McCoy, a glassy film covering the normally bright blues, making his eyes seem dull and grey.

"Bones…," he whispered. "Spock is sick…he can't go back to the ship…we have to help him."

McCoy frowned as he checked Jim's temperature again, confusion settling over him. "Jim," the doctor mumbled, more to himself than to his actual patient. "Your fever is down. You shouldn't still be hallucinating."

Jim shook his head slowly, tears starting to well up in his eyes, frustrated that McCoy wasn't understanding him. "Isolate the virus Bones!" he cried helplessly. The hypo was making his body heavy, like he was made of stone. "We only have five more days!"

Letting out a frustrated growl, McCoy decided to go with the timeless method of fever detection and placed his cheek against Jim's forehead searching for any warmth. Perhaps his equipment was malfunctioning? Highly doubtful, but anything could happen aboard the Enterprise and McCoy wasn't taking any chances. Jim flinched away from McCoy's touch, his breathing strained and erratic.

"Bones!" he nearly screamed, his frustration and fear growing. "Isolate the virus! Please!"

McCoy growled and pulled away from Jim's forehead. "Fuck!" he cursed softly. Jim was absolutely fever-free. He should have been fine! "What in God's name is wrong with you Jim? Did you eat something? Your scans are normal, God damn it!"

Jim let out another moan as he shivered suddenly. "Spock," he mumbled. "He'll die…we'll all die…isolate the virus Bones!"

The doctor shook his head, trying to reach for any part of Jim that was still coherent. "Jim," he said loudly, slowly. "There is no virus. No one is going to die. Spock is fine. You're having a hallucination for God knows why and you need to calm down before you work yourself into another fever."

Jim sobbed softly as he raised a hand to his face, completely ignoring McCoy's words. Nothing new there at least. "Bones," he sobbed, a new wave of sadness washing over him so suddenly he had no chances of escaping it. "Never…he'll never show me emotion…"

McCoy blinked. "Who? Spock?" he asked, a scowl on his face. "Of course he's not going to show you his emotions! The bastard is half-Vulcan physically and all Vulcan in the brain. Hell, he barely showed Uhura any emotions and they were dating. Don't know how that girl put up with that damned hobgoblin for as long as she did."

Another sob shook Jim to his core and he shook his head, not noticing McCoy grabbing for another hypo. "I know," he admitted. "But the colors…the feelings…" 'They're telling me otherwise Bones,' he thought. 'And I don't know who to believe.'

The distraught man let off a soft whimper as another hypo was jabbed into his neck. But before Jim could continue to speak, before he could explain to McCoy that the colors and sounds were making him see a different life, a different Spock that wasn't his to have, the contents of hypo took hold of him and he drifted quickly into a dreamless, stress-free, sleep.

McCoy stared at his captain, his best friend, for a moment, his lips set in a grim line. "What the fuck was that?" he asked no one. The empty Sick Bay room gave him no response. "Jim," he sighed as he threw away the empty hypo. "What just happened to you? You're scans are normal. You shouldn't be sick! Is it the stress? Did you have an allergic reaction to something?"

The doctor shook his head. No. According to his equipment, Jim was fine, save for his strange hallucinations. To the state of the art equipment, Jim was perfectly healthy. And the doctor had spent enough time with his medical equipment to know that they weren't malfunctioning. But it was obvious that something was wrong with Jim. The man was curled into the fetal position, his arms hugging his knees to his chest like a child. But his face was peaceful, which was a relief.

Shaking his head in seer frustration, McCoy walked over to his desk to activate his communications program. Jim was suppose to be on shift and not hallucinating in his Sick Bay. Obviously something had happened up at the bridge to make Jim visit him. And McCoy wanted to know just what that something was.

"McCoy to bridge."

Instantly, Spock's image came into view, the bridge behind him. "Spock here," the First Officer answered, his face blank and he nodded slightly. "Doctor McCoy. I trust that the Captain has visited you?"

McCoy frowned, which wasn't surprising seeing as Spock was now involved. "How did you know that Jim came down here?" he asked.

"I suggested to the Captain that he visit the Sick Bay after we received an assignment from Admiral Pike," Spock explained. "He appeared distant and distracted here on the bridge. I assumed that he has been having difficulties sleeping, as most humans in a commanding position do or that perhaps he was ill."

His frown and confusion growing, McCoy asked, "And how long has he been acting 'distant and distracted', Mr. Spock?"

Spock raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding where McCoy was going with his questioning. "Though I cannot be completely positive doctor," he said finally. "I believe that the Captain has been exhibiting such behaviors for the past several weeks. However, it has not reached such levels to be considered alarming."

McCoy cursed softly under his breath so that the rest of crew behind Spock wouldn't hear him. "Why didn't you send him to me sooner?" he demanded angrily.

Although his face was still carefully blank, McCoy could tell that if he were human, Spock would have been frowning. "As I stated earlier," the half-Vulcan said again. "It is normal for humans in a position of command to experience sleeping difficulties and…"

McCoy rolled his eyes, his tone becoming louder. "Damn it Spock," he interrupted. "He's not just having 'sleeping difficulties'. Something is seriously wrong with him."

The concern was now clear on Spock's face. Well, at least clear to McCoy. He wasn't so sure about the rest of the crew. "If the Captain is not having sleeping issues, then what is causing his behavior change?" he asked, his tone sharp with worry.

McCoy glared at the half-Vulcan, but before he could answer, Spock interrupted him. "Excuse me for a moment doctor," he said briskly. "I will be down there in a manner of minutes. Spock out." Spock's image then disappeared, leaving McCoy to glare at an empty screen.

The doctor rolled his eyes again and smiled slightly. 'Looks like someone has emotions after all,' he mused as he walked back over to Jim. His smile, though, fell slightly as he watched his sleeping Captain. McCoy let out a small sigh and he offered Jim a small smile.

"I do hope that whatever is wrong with you Jim, I can fix it," he said softly. "Can't have you running around screaming about viruses, can we?"

McCoy watched his Captain for a few more moments before he shook his head slightly. "Jim," he sighed. "You really are a pain in the ass sometimes. What the hell is wrong with you? If my scanners can't pick anything up, then do we need to get you into somewhere more sophisticated?"

Jim gave McCoy no answers, still blissfully unaware of his surroundings and his own hallucinations, caught in sleep's cool and welcoming embrace. Scoffing, irritated that something was obviously wrong with his best friend and pissed that he didn't know what that something was, McCoy continued to glare down at the still figure on the biobed.

"Honestly Jim," he mumbled. "With all of your allergies and your habit of nearly killing yourself while on missions, it's a miracle that you're still even alive!"

"Doctor, I find it slightly unsettling that you are attempting to make conversation with the Captain while he is currently unconscious."

McCoy flushed slightly with embarrassment, glaring over to the half-Vulcan who'd suddenly entered the room and chose to stay silent as Spock walked over and joined him near Jim's side. Spock glanced at Jim for a moment, and then turned his head to McCoy.

"The Captain seems to be resting well doctor," he said hesitantly. "Perhaps he was suffering from a lack of sleep?"

McCoy shot Spock a glare. "Even if he was having trouble sleeping," he said, his tone cool. "I know Jim. When he doesn't sleep, he usually lasts for about a week, and then passes out where he stands. He doesn't hallucinate about deadly viruses or run a fever of one hundred and three."

Spock frowned softly. "Explain," he demanded.

McCoy rolled his eyes as he double checked Jim's heart beat. 'Green-bloodied hobgoblin,' he thought without any real distain. Although the two acting as if they hated each other, they actually had a great deal of respect for each other. Not that they would ever tell each other that.

"He passed out over near the door, mumbling about getting you back to the ship," he explained, checking Jim over for fever once again before he looked back to Spock. "And after I managed to get him onto the bed, he started to full out hallucinate. He told me that unless I isolated a virus, we would all die and that you wouldn't be able to go back to the ship."

Spock looked back over to Jim. "What virus could he be speaking of?" he asked softly.

McCoy shook his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "Despite his fever, he's perfectly healthy. And I suspect that his fever was stemmed more from stress than illness, which happened a lot when we were still in the Academy. Jim's immune system is crap when he's stressed for too long and he God damn knows it and never does anything about it."

The doctor paused for a moment and rubbed at his neck as he finally said, "What strikes me as odd though is that after I broke his fever, he was still hallucinating."

Spock didn't take his eyes off of his Captain as he spoke. "Then his hallucinations were not a side effect from his fever," he deduced, tone still soft and quiet. "And if that is the case, then perhaps it is a combination of the two? Stress and lack of sleep have been known to cause effects such as hallucinations and it is not unlikely that the Captain would be experiencing difficulties sleeping."

"And Jim wouldn't tell us if he'd been having sleeping issues for whatever reason either," McCoy added. "He'd try and hide it, like he always does. Damn child that he is. But we can't know for sure that his little episode here was caused by lack of sleep until he wakes up. The hypo I administered will keep him under for awhile, about two to three hours. After that, we can see if we're right about the sleeping issues."

A short silence filled the Sick Bay before Spock finally turned away from his captain. He gave McCoy a carefully guarded look. "And if the Captain's hallucinations are not stemmed from a sleeping issue doctor?" he asked, his tone flat.

McCoy sighed and raised a hand to the back of his neck. "I'm not sure Spock," he admitted. "But we'll just have deal with that when, or if, the time comes."

He looked over to Jim again for a moment before turning back to Spock. "All we can do now is go back to work," he said. "Keep busy and most importantly, keep the crew from knowing. Jim's still the Captain and we can't have the crew thinking that he's gone off the deep end or any shit like that."

Spock nodded his head and said, "Agreed, Doctor. The crew's stability and the ship's performance are connected to the Captain. It would be best if they simply suspected a sleeping disorder."

"Hate lying to them like that," McCoy admitted. "I know that most of the crew would understand, but there are always a few bad apples in the bunch and with Jim's already shaky reputation in Starfleet, even rumors about him losing his mind could hurt him. If it came down to it, they could even demote him and throw him in a psychiatric ward for testing."

McCoy watched as Spock's shoulders tensed and he almost laughed when Spock shot him a Vulcan version of a glare, as if the possibility of Jim being sent to a psychiatric ward were his fault.

"That will not happen, doctor," he said coldly.

McCoy gave Spock a weary smile. "Of course not Spock," he said, trying to keep his amusement to a minimum. "Now, why don't you go back to the bridge and assure the crew that their Captain is fine. Tell them he was just sleep deprived or something along those lines."

Spock nodded, then gave Jim one last glance before he squared his shoulders and left Sick Bay. McCoy watched Spock leave with a small smile on his face. He glanced over to Jim.

"Looks like someone is a bit protective of our captain," he chuckled softly, shaking his head. Then he walked back into his office and back to his paperwork in an attempt to keep himself and his mind busy until Jim woke up.

**(xXxXxXx)**

A/N: And that is the edited version of Chapter Two.


	3. Chapter 3

Pushed Beyond the Limit

By: Maranni123

Chapter Three

Disclaimer: And here is the edited version of the third chapter. :D

Beta: T'Key'la, who'd kept my inner-editor from tearing these chapters apart for imperfections! :D Enjoy!

**(xXxXxXx)**

The first thing that Jim heard as he started to regain conscious was a gruff, southern accent. The first thing he felt however, was a massive headache, the latter obviously being the more discomforting between the two. The third? That his body was currently taking a vacation and had decided not to listen to his brain. In other words, he couldn't move a muscle.

"McCoy to bridge," the gruff voice said, although Jim's hearing was still a bit fuzzy. It sounded as if the voice was speaking through a blanket or something. Jim was busy trying to figure out where he was when another voice broke through his headache.

"Bridge to Sick Bay," the second voice said. This voice was much smoother and deep, but not rough like the other voice. "Spock here."

A small jolt of recognition raced through Jim's mind and he could feel the fog that had settled during his little nap start to lift from his mind. Those voices... they belonged to Spock and McCoy. The last of McCoy's sleepy-time drug wore off and Jim was suddenly himself once again, horrible headache and all. And judging from Spock's answer to McCoy's hail, he was currently in Sick Bay.

"Jim's starting to wake up," McCoy continued on, unaware that Jim was regaining consciousness. "And to be honest Spock, I'd like you to come up before he comes to fully. You know as well as I do that Jim always tries to dance away from any subject he doesn't want to talk about, but I think that with the both of us here, he'll have to tell us the truth about his little episode."

"My assistance would be beneficial doctor," Spock agreed. "I will make my way downward to Sick Bay at once. Spock out."

Jim felt a small wave of panic hit his chest as he remembered the events that led him into Sick Bay in the first place. His "little episode". The vision of the older Spock smiling at him. The virus. His frantic orders to McCoy to isolate the virus.

'Shit,' he mentally cursed, his lower legs starting to twitch slightly as his body started to come back online. His heart beat began to speed up as well, the Sick Bay biobed betraying his inward panic. 'They caught me.'

Noticing the spike in Jim's heart rate, McCoy rushed over to the biobed that held his captain. "Jim?" he asked softly, a rare volume for the doctor. "Jimmy, are you awake?"

His eyes still closed and his breaths still even, Jim debated with himself for a moment on whether or not he should open his eyes. He knew that he would have to "wake up" eventually, but he honestly didn't want to. He knew that he would have to give McCoy and Spock an answer for what had happened earlier, but he also knew that he couldn't possibly tell them the truth when he himself had no idea what was happening.

McCoy glanced over to Jim's vital signs with a frown on his face. "Jim," McCoy asked again. "Jimmy, wake up."

A moment passed, then Jim let out a small sigh and opened his eyes slowly. McCoy was the first sight that greeted him, an expression of worry and anger printed on the doctor's face. Jim blinked, then let out a yawn, reaching up with his hands to rub at his face.

"Bones?" he asked, his voice rough from sleep. "Hey, Bones." Jim smiled faintly, weariness still printed on his face. "Fancy meeting you here, huh? What am I doing in Sick Bay" 'Play it dumb Jimmy boy,' the young captain thought. 'You've managed to tap dance your way out of sticker situations acting dumb before. You can do this.'

McCoy sighed, some of the worry lifting from his face and his rolled his eyes. "And a good morning to you too sleeping beauty," he said, ignoring the captain's question as Jim sat up on the biobed slowly, stretching out his arms to the ceiling and letting out a satisfied sound of contentment when his back let out a loud snap. "Have a nice nap?"

Jim smiled sheepishly as McCoy began to examine the young captain, pausing only to grab a small medical flashlight before shining it into Jim's eyes. Jim frowned and tried to push the doctor away.

"Bones," Jim chuckled, unable to help himself because McCoy acting just like a mother-hen sometimes, how could you not laugh? "Bones, seriously, stop flashing that thing in my face. I'm awake and I'm fine, I swear!"

McCoy scoffed, but placed the flashlight down as Jim asked. "Fine my ass Jim," he mumbled, glancing over once again to his best friend's vital signs to make sure that they were staying still. "Do you have any how stressful it is to make sure that you're healthy? Honestly, I have no idea how you managed to make it this far without me."

"Aw! Bones I'm touched," Jim beamed, laughing again at his best friend's expression. "I always knew you loved me. But seriously, why am I down here?"

McCoy opened his mouth to answer, or maybe to yell at Jim more, but before he could, the Sick Bay door slid open to reveal a stern Spock who immediately locked onto Jim form like a sniper locked onto his target.

At the sight of his First Officer, Jim's face fell and he looked away, closing his eyes as he yawned again, feeling a twist in his stomach as Spock entered and drew closer. His strange behavior, however, went unnoticed by McCoy and Spock.

"I see that the Captain is now conscious, doctor." The half-Vulcan gave McCoy a small nod of the head before he once again tried to make eye-contact with his captain, but Jim refused to meet his gaze. "Shall we begin our interrogation?"

Jim blinked, and then gave his CMO a frown, holding up his hands. "Hey, hey guys," he interrupted. "Sorry to interrupt but what kind of 'interrogation' are we talking about? And you still haven't answered my question Bones."

'Play dumb,' he thought to himself. 'Play it dumb.'

Both men stared at him for a moment before McCoy spoke. "State your name and occupation please."

Jim rolled his eyes but decided to humor his CMO. "My name is James T. Kirk. I'm the Captain of the Enterprise, serial number SC937 dash 0176CEC. Currently, I'm aboard the Starship Enterprise, registry NCC dash 1701 dash A of the United Federation of Planets."

He pointed at Spock. "You are Commander Spock, my First Officer and while our beginning was rocky, with the whole choking me thing, you're now one of my best friends."

He then turned to McCoy and said, "And you are Doctor Leonard McCoy, the ship's CMO and the guy who threatened to puke on me when we first met and despite that, you're also one of my best friends."

Clapping his hands together, Jim gave the two men a look. "So," he said cheerfully. "Now can I finally know how I got here?"

McCoy and Spock exchanged a look before Spock spoke up. "Captain," he asked, his voice cool and calm. "Do you recall the events on the bridge approximate two and half hours ago?"

Jim frowned and bit his lip, thinking for a moment before he finally nodded. "We were ordered to pick up the Ambassador of New Vulcan," he said slowly. "And then you said that I should come down here because I was tired."

Spock nodded. "That is correct Captain." he said. "Is that everything you remember?"

"Actually... yeah," Jim admitted, raising a hand to rub at his forehead wearily. "Why? Did something happen?" A look of mild panic settling across his face and he looked up at Spock. "Is the crew okay? Is the ship okay?"

"Please be calm Captain," Spock said quickly, hesitating for a moment before he placed a light hand on Jim's shoulders. Despite the stronger twist in his stomach, Jim's body relaxed a bit underneath Spock's touch. "The crew and the ship are functioning normally and safely."

Jim relaxed against the biobed and gave Spock a nod. Although he was lying about not remembering his little Sick Bay scene, his worry over his ship and his crew was sincere. Who knows what could have happened while he'd been asleep?

"Jim," McCoy began. "Everything's fine. Except for you, of course." Spock raised his eyebrow and gave McCoy a look, but the doctor ignored him.

"When you came down here Jim," McCoy continued. "You were running a fever of one hundred and three. You were hallucinating, literally screaming about a virus." He leaned forward and gave Jim a hard look. "Now as your doctor and friend, I'm asking for the truth Jim. How long has it been since you've gotten full night's sleep?"

Inside, Jim let out a relieved sigh. Finally, he could be truthful. He hated lying to McCoy and Spock. But he couldn't afford to tell them the truth. He would lose everything if he did. He gave his CMO a small smile before he laughed softly. "Bones, you know I can't stand that face."

A silence filled the Sick Bay as the two concerned officers waited for their Captain to speak. Then, finally, after a few moments, Jim spoke. His voice was drawn out and his tone reluctant, making him sound like a child admitting to his parents that he'd snuck a cookie from the cookie jar. "The last full night's sleep I had," he admitted. "Was the night before we went down to Mizor VI."

McCoy let out an annoyed sigh and gave Spock a look. "Looks like we were right." Then, without waiting for Spock to answer, he looked back to his Captain. "Jim," he growled. "The was weeks ago! You've been without a full night's rest for weeks?"

Jim tried to offer McCoy a smile, although he knew that the doctor was furious. "Come on Bones," he said, trying to lessen McCoy's rage. "I've had worst and you know it! Remember when I didn't sleep for a whole week and a half in the Academy during our first year?"

Spock's eyebrows nearly hit his hairline in carefully masked shock as he stared at his Captain. "Captain," he said, hints of his surprise seeping into his tone. "It is highly illogical to refuse rest when one needs it. Why would you do such a thing?"

Jim opened his mouth to answer, but McCoy beat him to it. "He likes to make my work more difficult," he nearly shouted. "That's why he does it Spock!"

McCoy jabbed a finger in Jim's direction, glaring at his Captain. "You stressed yourself sick, Jim. Literally!" He stormed off into his office, but returned a second later, a small bottle of pills in his hand. "Damn it Jim," he cursed softly. "You can't keep doing shit like this. I get it, you're the captain. But you're not indestructible."

Jim offered his CMO a bright smile. "But I am awesome," he responded. "That has to count for something, right?" McCoy and Spock both simply stared at Jim until he nodded. "Okay then. I'll be quiet now."

McCoy nodded and mumbled, "Damn right you will." He then turned to Spock, handing him the pills. "Spock, I need you to take Jim back down to his quarters and make sure he takes two of these. They'll help him sleep. I myself want to keep him here, but God knows he'll make too much of a fuss."

Spock nodded, taking the pills. "Understood doctor," he answered, the pills safely in his hands.

Jim smiled softly at the two officers, truly touched by their concern. His smile dimmed slightly as his vision began to blur. Trying to relax as another hallucination invaded his mind. Colors... sounds... swirled around him.

_'Dr. McCoy is correct, Captain. After what this ship has been through… not a crewman aboard who is not in need of a little rest. Myself excepted, of course.'_

Jim laughed softly, his heart aching from the hallucination. Such a pretty though. "Perhaps we should file for a shore leave?" Jim asked, his voice soft and far away. "The crew could use a rest." Jim gave Spock a smile. "You could use the rest from a shore leave too Spock."

Spock gave Jim a look, noting the far away tone of his captain with a hint of concern, before he said, "Not necessarily in my case, Captain. On my planet, to rest is to…"

Jim waved a hand as he got up from the Sick Bay bed. "I know Spock, I know," he interrupted, the vision finally fading away to allow him to get up. "Rest is to rest and to you it's quite illogical to run up and down on green grass using energy instead of saving it, I know."

Spock blinked and raised his eyebrow again. That was... exactly what Spock had been planning on saying. Although it wasn't that surprising. Jim and Spock finished each others sentences all the time. Why would this instance be any different?

Jim flashed McCoy a smile. "Well, I guess I have no choice, huh?" he asked, eager to leave Sick Bay, even if he did have to stay in his quarters and sleep. "It's off to bed for me."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Get out of here, Jim," he growled, sending Jim a glare that they all knew held no real heat. "Before something else happens to you and I have to stitch up back up. Again."

Jim laughed and gave McCoy a friendly pat on the shoulder. "You know you love me," Jim laughed. "I'll see you later Bones." He turned to Spock and flashed his First Officer an equally bright smile, then made his way for the door. "Shall we Spock?"

"Yes, Captain." Spock said, giving McCoy a polite nod, and then followed Jim out into the hallway, both choosing to ignore the muttered curses that followed them. Since most of the crew were still on duty, the halls were relatively empty, allowing the two officers to have a peaceful walk to Jim's quarters.

"So," Jim finally began after a few moments of seemingly comfortable silence. "Looks like you'll be in charge while I get some shut eye Mr. Spock."

Spock's eyes shone with amusement as he said, "Correct Captain, although I am certain that the crew and myself will feel your absence greatly."

Jim laughed. "I'd try to sneak back up to the bridge," he confessed. "But I know that Bones would kill me if he found out and I actually like living and all, so I guess I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place, huh?"

"Correct again Captain," Spock agreed, the barest of a smile on his lips. "It would be quite unfortunate if Doctor McCoy were to take your life."

"You're telling me," Jim laughed again as the two finally approached the door to the Captain's quarters. Jim gave Spock a smile and held out his hands for the pills. "Alright Spock, you've gotten me to my quarters. Now give me the pills."

Spock raised his eyebrow and gave Jim a look. "Captain," he said slowly. "I find it highly unlikely that you will obey the doctor's orders on your own. You have an unfortunate tendency to ignore the doctor's orders simply to spite him."

Jim let out a breath and raised his eyebrow to match Spock's. "Spock," he said seriously. "I'll take the pills, I promise. I don't really want to admit it, but Bones's is right. I need the rest. To not take the pills and get some sleep would be…illogical, right?"

Spock stared at Jim for a moment, wondering if he could be trusted, before he finally gave up the pills. "Indeed," he said, nodding. "Now, if you'll excuse me Captain, I must return to the bridge."

Jim nodded, then without a second glance towards his First Officer, entered his quarters. As the doors closed behind him, Jim let out a relieved sigh and allowed himself to finally. He didn't want to be anywhere near Spock.

Raising a shaky hand to his stomach, Jim grimaced as his stomach twisted painfully again at the though of his First Officer. His warm brown eyes, his perfect pale skin without any flaws, his black cap of hair that always seemed perfectly done... Jim wondered absently if Spock's hair was as silky as it looked. He imaged it would be.

Shaking his head suddenly, Jim lightly rapped his knuckles against his head. "Stop it Jim," he scolded himself, making his way to his bedroom and flopping onto the bed. "You're acting way too much little a teenage girl with a crush for comfort. Seriously! Where's your pride man?"

Jim sighed again. "And now I'm talking to myself again," he mumbled, eyes focused on the ceiling above him. As he allowed him mind to wander in an attempt to stay away from all thoughts of Spock, Jim thought back to Sick Bay and immediately felt a wave of guilt crash over him.

He hated lying to McCoy, he really did. The man was like a brother to him, a father-like figure even. Jim felt like he was almost betraying the doctor when he lied to him and it made him feel so bad. McCoy had done a lot for Jim over the years. He'd put up with Jim's constant injuries and allergies, emotional issues, everything.

'And you repay him by lying to him,' Jim thought bitterly, rubbing at his face with his hands. 'And to Spock. And to your crew. Some captain you are.'

But Jim couldn't have told McCoy or Spock the truth. What would they say if he told them that he was having regular hallucinations that caused him to freeze up and be basically useless until they were over? Jim already knew the answer. McCoy would be forced to give command of the Enterprise to Spock. He would be labeled unfit for duty. The Admirals were already watching him like a hawk, waiting for him to make the slightest mistake. If Jim told anyone but his little "episodes", the Enterprise and his rank would be taken away from him so fast it would make his head spin. And Jim wasn't about to let that happen. Not now and not ever.

He had to take care of these hallucinations without having to let the Admirals or his crew know about them. He needed help, but had no one to turn to. Except... maybe...

Jim let out a shaky sigh and looked down at the bottle of pills that was still clutched in his hands. Thankfully, he'd at least now be able to get some sleep without the fear of any another nightmares.

Jim popped open the bottle of pills as he made his way off the bed and towards the bathroom, a plan forming in his mind. 'The Ambassador might be able to help,' he mused as he swallowed two little blue pills, placing the bottle on the bathroom counter. 'If I tell him what's wrong, he won't tell anyone. I'll make him promise. And who knows, maybe he'll actually know what's going on with me.'

It was worth a shot. The Enterprise was already scheduled to escort the Ambassador to Earth. It would take them at least two weeks to get to New Vulcan and about three to arrive back home, so why wouldn't the Ambassador be able to help him? And who better to help him than Ambassador Selek? The man had already been into Jim's mind once. No doubt he could go back inside and fix whatever it was that was causing the hallucinations.

Although he really, _really_, hated it admit it, Jim needed help. When the hallucinations had first started to show up around month three of their five year mission, Jim had merely brushed them off as side-affects from the stress of being captain. And they _were_ nothing the beginning. A flash of color, the sudden change in lighting, a whispered voice that belonged to no one. They were manageable.

In the beginning. But as the months worn on, they became increasing more and more difficult to ignore. Jim began to talk less and less each day unless he had to, for fear of answering a question that wasn't real. He began taking more and more lunches in his quarters in order to stop himself from throwing up in front of everyone when the visions messed with his stomach. He stopped hanging around with the crew as much as he used to, in order to limit the chances of him staying something or doing something that would give him away.

Jim was doing everything within his power to keep his problem hidden but it was clear to him now that hiding was no longer an option. He had to talk to the Ambassador when they arrived at New Vulcan. He had to do something about the hallucinations before any found out about them.

Satisfied with the plan, Jim slowly made his way back to his bed, letting out a soft moan as he laid down on top of the cool covers. His relief was short lived however, as an extra detailed vision assaulted him suddenly, barging into his mind and causing him to let loose a loud moan of pain.

_'I have my own will, Captain… let me help.' _

For a long time, Jim merely laid on his bed, curled into a ball as he rode out the vision and the pain. Then, finally, Jim let out a sigh as he felt most of the pain start to subside, leaving behind a dull ache in the middle of his forehead. "That was a bad one," he mumbled to himself, his eyelids becoming heavier and heavier with each passing second. That vision... that was Spock's voice that he'd heard. Now that he thought about it more closely, almost all of the visions included Spock in some way or another.

'How strange,' he though dimly as the magical blue pills began to take affect. 'All these visions... all these hallucinations... they're all about... Spock... I wonder... why...' And with that last thought, Jim surrendered to the sweet siren song of sleep, his head still buzzing with activity that was more life threatening than he knew.

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A/N: And that was the edited chapter three. I hope you enjoyed it. :D And for the readers who read the original, tell me if you noticed any changes and if you approve of them. :) Good night!


	4. Chapter 4

Pushed Beyond the Limit

By: Maranni123

Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Sorry for the long wait you guys. Seriously, I never meant to leave you hanging for so long. But if it makes you feel any better, I have a reasonably good explanation for why this has taken so long. During NaNoWriMo, my little laptop died. Just died. But thankfully, all of my files were saved on my flash drive. So, after NaNoWriMo, I bought myself a brand new laptop. It was bigger, it was better, and I was extremely excited about it.

So, on December 3rd, I plugged my flash drive into my new laptop, ready to finally upload my chapters. And every single file on said flash drive was deleted. Every. Single. File. Everything! Everything was deleted! All my chapters, all of my stories! EVERYTHING! So I have spent all of December re-writing everything I could, managing to fish what I could from the internet! Needless to say, I'm still pretty pissed about the whole thing!

So yeah, that's why I'm late. Because technology hates me and hates my life. Le sigh. So, here at last, is the re-edited, re-written, back from the freaking dead chapter four. As you will notice, this is when things will really start to change. :D So please, enjoy. For this chapter and I went through a lot to get to you, dear readers. :D

P.S: If I'm getting too heavy on the details guys, please let me know. I know I tend to pile on the detail in the beginning, but that's just because I like to get the back story out of the way in order to get to the action, you know? Anyway, let me know if I go too far with the detail. :D

Beta: Once again, this chapter was edited originally by T'Key'la.

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_"Mommy?"_

_Jimmy stares at his mother, who's hunched over the kitchen table, her face in her hands. And she's sobbing. "Mommy?" Jimmy asks. "Why are you crying?" _

_Heart-wrenching sobs that make her body shake, Winona Kirk continues to sob uncontrollably. Her hair is tangled and messy and she's still dressed in her pajamas. Jimmy frowns, his little seven year old face full of concern. Why is his Mommy so sad all the time? Why can't she ever be happy like the other mommies?_

_Jimmy takes a careful step into the kitchen towards his mother and he reaches out to her, trying to understand why she's so sad. He knows that it has something to do with his Daddy, because Sam had told him so before he left. But if his Daddy made his Mommy sad, then why does she cry every time she looks at him? _

_"Mommy?"_

_Suddenly, a rough hand grabs onto Jimmy's little shoulders and violently spins him around. Jimmy blinks, and then lets out a small whimper as Frank glares at him, his hand digging into Jimmy's shoulder. _

_"Your mother's upset because of you, you little shit," Frank seethes, his sour breath washing over Jimmy's face, making him want to gag. "You're the one who makes her cry. She doesn't want you! She's wishes you were dead! If you weren't here, our lives would be fucking perfect!"_

_Jimmy lets out another small cry as Frank's fingernails dig deeper into his shirt. "No!" he cries pathetically. "You're lying! You're a liar! My Mommy loves me!" _

_Frank laughs, and then spins Jimmy around again so that he faces his mother again. She's still sobbing. Sobbing her heart out._

_"She never wanted you," the man whispers in his little ear. "She wishes that you died up there with your no good, bastard of a father!"_

_Jimmy shakes his head, trying to escape the grip of his step-father. "No!" he screams. "You're wrong! You're wrong!" Jimmy shuts his eyes so that Frank can't see his tears. "Let me go! LET ME GO!"_

_A sudden push sends JK backwards and he falls. The dirt is cold and hard against his palms and he takes in a breath as his thirteen year old mind is fighting off the urge to panic. Beside him, he can hear Kevin crying softly, his sobs laced with terror and grief. _

_"M-My dad," the child moans. "…Where's my family?" JK opens his eyes and looks over to Kevin, trying to muster up a smile for the scared seven year old._

_'We escaped,' JK thinks as he moves closer to Kevin to try and offer the boy some comfort. 'We escaped. We're alive!' He can't think of what they've just witnessed yet. He simply can't. His mind can't handle the horror right now, especially when Kevin needs him. _

_He looks around the small shack they managed to run to before the guards could shoot them down. It's dark and dry, but they're alive. As JK tries to sooth the boy in front of him, he can remember the woman who shoved Kevin towards him as the gunshots had begun to sound throughout the air. _

_"Take him," she had screamed. "Take him and run! Both of you!"_

_JK can remember the sound of that woman's body hitting the ground, blocking the guards with her body to give JK and Kevin more time to escape. He can also remember Kodos's words before the mass killings had started._

_"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of our society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."_

_JK shivers and he shuts his eyes as Kevin's sobs into his shirt. "Where is my family?" the boy asks again and he raises his hands to grab at JK's collar. "What happened to my family?" _

_JK tries to calm Kevin down, but it's no use. Kevin is still crying and he's still holding onto his shirt, pulling on his collar, cutting off his air supply. JK coughs, trying to take in some air. He can't breathe! He can't fucking breathe!_

_'There's no air,' he thinks frantically. 'I can't breathe! He's killing me!' _

_Jim tries to pry Spock's hands away from his throat to get some air into his lungs, but he can't. The half-Vulcan is too strong. Jim attempts to cry out, to tell Spock that he's killing him, but all he manages is a soft gasp. He can feel the rage seeping from the man above him, the absolute fury and grief._

_And Jim knows that it's all his fault. He had to do it. But that doesn't make it right. He insulted Spock's love for his mother, the woman who had clearly been Spock's everything. Any chance of friendship between them is lost now, Jim knows this. And it's breaking his heart. _

'_Spock,' he thinks faintly. 'I'm so sorry...' He starts to black out from the lack of air and he begins to relax. His body begins to shut down. 'I'm so... sorry...'_

_Then a pair of warm, loving hands grabs James's shoulders and pulls him away from Spock's grip. James laughs as an older Spock swings him around so that the two can face each other. _

_"Jim!" Spock cries, happiness and relief clear in his voice. _

_James is blinded by the dazzling smile that Spock is giving him and he can feel the relief and love coming from his First Officer. Spock had thought that he'd killed him. Spock was so sure that he had killed his Captain. Then Spock notices that McCoy and Chapel are in the room and the half-Vulcan pulls it back together._

_He releases James and tugs at his shirt. "I'm…pleased to see you Captain," Spock manages to stammer out. "You seem…uninjured."_

_James has to hold in a laugh as he watches his First Officer struggle to regain his composure, not caring if McCoy and Chapel are watching. He's too happy to care. _

_'You don't have to hide your emotions from me, Spock,' he thinks as his smile grows. 'You know that I would never judge you.' James wants to reach out and just give his First Officer a hug. He reaches out his arms… and meets... air..._

Jim gasped, sitting up in his bed as he woke from his dream, a small alarm sounding off from his PADD. Instantly, tears formed in the young Captain's eyes and he let out a small groan, curling up in his bed with his head in his hands.

"God damn it," he mumbled, his head throbbing horribly. Blindly, he reached out towards his nightstand and managed to grab a bottle full of small red pills. Popping the bottle open, Jim desperately chocked down two and then curled back into the fetal position to wait out the pounding, head-splitting headache that was the unfortunate side effect from his now nightly nightmares.

Slowly, after a few minutes passed, the horrible pain subsided into a simple dull ache in the back of Jim's mind, allowing the young captain to finally take in a full breath of air. His body uncurling, Jim tried to relax and ignore the ache. It's wasn't that difficult. Jim had had lots of practice over the last three weeks since his little incident in Sick Bay ignoring his pain. One more day wouldn't kill him.

Opening his eyes with a soft sigh and trying his best to hold in the tears of pain that managed to escape him, Jim eyed the two bottles standing on his bedside table, one filled with blue pills and the other filled with red. He stared at them, only breaking away his gaze when a loud beep from his desk signaled that he had an incoming message.

"Transporter room to the Captain."

Jim stilled his tears immediately and he quickly wiped them away as he climbed off his bed and made his way over to his communication screen.

"Kirk here," he managed to say, his voice rough from sleep. He had to hold in his moan as Spock's face appeared on the monitor, his expression blank as always. Colors swam through his vision yet again and he almost groaned.

_Spock grabbing him…so full of relief…his Captain is alive! "Jim!" And that smile…that wonderful smile… _

"Captain," Spock said, oblivious to his captain's pain. "You're needed in the Transporter room to welcome the Ambassador on board."

Jim nodded, pulling in his composure as he said, "Got it Spock. I'll be down there in a few minutes. Kirk out." And then he shut of the communication screen and let out a long sigh.

That's right. The Ambassador was arriving today. And thank God too. Although Jim had been keeping a tight lid on his hallucinations, day by day Jim could tell that he was losing the battle. And that battle was getting all the more worse since Jim had stopped taking the sleeping pills McCoy had given him.

It wasn't that he didn't need them, but they made him feel numb after he woke up and Jim had grown use to feeling and emotions from his vision-filled dreams. That being said, the dreams were the price to pay for the hallucinations constantly toying with him during his every waking moment.

But Jim was good at hiding things and he managed to hide the fact that he was slowly starting to lose it. He didn't want to admit it, but it was true. Jim was starting to lose his mind. The visions were starting to linger, staying with him longer. They were getting louder as well and it was growing more and more difficult for Jim to separate the voices from the hallucinations and the voices from his actual crew.

'It's okay though,' Jim thought as he managed to pull on his Captain's uniform. 'The Ambassador will help me. He knows me and he can help me. Everything will be fine.'

Jim nodded to himself, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 'I just have to greet the Ambassador, take him to his quarters and then ask him about the visions. It's as simple as that.' Jim nodded again, and then walked out into the hallway, making his way for the turbo lift. 'Nothing can go wrong.'

With his seemingly flawless plan secured in his head, Jim entered the turbo lift in relatively high spirits. He had a plan. He'd get the Ambassador to help and then everything would go back to normal. He'd be able to go back to his normal self and not this person who was so afraid to say or do the wrong thing.

'Everything's going to be fine,' Jim thought as the turbo lift made its way downward.

He smiled brightly as he stepped out of the turbo lift and entered the Transporter Room. "Hello everyone," he said cheerfully. From where he stood next to the transporter's controls, Scotty smiled as he watched Jim strut into the room while Spock simply nodded in his captain's direction, a glint of amusement hidden in his eyes.

"Captain," he greeted. "Are you ready to beam aboard the Ambassador?"

Jim nodded, taking his place next to Spock near the transporter. "Yep." He looked over to Scotty and gave him a thumbs up. "Energize, Scotty."

Scotty nodded and muttered, "Aye Captain."

The Transporter Room went quiet as Scotty started up the transporter, Jim too focused on controlling his emotions to notice. 'This must be what Spock feels like,' he thought. 'Always trying to keep your emotions under check.'

Honestly, Jim was excited about the Ambassador coming aboard, and not even because of his own issues. Ever since Delta Vega and his own promotion into captaincy, Jim had been keeping in contact with the Ambassador, finding comfort in the other Spock's support and absolute faith in him.

Soon, breaking Jim away from his thoughts, a stream of light filled one of the transporter pads. But then almost as soon as it appeared, it disappeared, leaving a tall and proud figure, garbed in the traditional Vulcan robes of the Elders, standing on the pad.

Jim let out a gust of air he hadn't been aware of holding in as he quickly raised his hand in the Vulcan salute, Spock doing the same beside him. "Ambassador Selek," he greeted, his tone soft and respectful. "It is an honor to welcome you aboard the Enterprise."

The Ambassador returned Jim's Vulcan salute with one of his own, his expression serious, yet Jim could see the hidden glint of happiness in the old man's eyes. "It is an honor to be welcomed Captain Kirk," he said. He turned to Spock and gave his counterpart a nod. "Mr. Spock."

"Ambassador," Spock greeted, lowering his hand to return the elderly Vulcan's nod. "It is pleasing to see that you are doing well."

The Ambassador allowed his gaze to travel from one man to the other and finally allowed a small smile to break across his face. He looked back to Jim, who was struggling to keep up his formal composure.

The Ambassador's small, barely there smile grew ever so slightly and he surprised everyone when a soft chuckle escaped him.

"Jim," he said warmly. "It is good to see you again, my friend."

Letting out a laugh of his own, Jim's posture relaxed somewhat and he reached over to clasp Selek's shoulder, a bright smile. "It's good to see you too Selek," he said, motioning towards Spock. "Mr. Spock here has personally seen to your guest quarters, making it as comfortable as possible." Jim smirked and added, "And don't give me any of that 'comfort is illogical' bull, because I totally know better."

"Indeed," Selek agreed, allowing his aging body to relax. "I shall hold my tongue then."

Jim laughed out loud, surprising Spock although the half-Vulcan didn't show it. It had been so long since Jim had looked so carefree and relaxed. It was odd that the Ambassador could invoke such a response when others in the recent past, including himself, had not. It was... disquieting.

Finally in seemed, Jim remembered that he was needed on the bridge and he handed Selek over to Spock, but not before promising the Ambassador a friendly chess match during Jim's lunch break in next day.

At this, Spock couldn't help but clench his fists behind his back. For weeks Spock had been offering Jim chess matches, before shift, after shift, during lunch breaks. And Jim had shot him down, albeit gently and with great care, every single time. It seemed that Jim was avoiding him. The fact that Jim accepted the Ambassador's chess proposal was proof of that.

Spock did not "feel" jealousy. Nor did he "feel" betrayed in any way. It was just not logical.

"Ambassador," Spock said once Jim had left the room. "Allow me to escort you to your guest quarters."

Selek nodded and followed Spock out of the transporter room. It was quiet as the two walked, Spock only speaking when Selek asked him a specific question. But Selek didn't mind the rather cold act Spock was giving him. He knew the act quite well himself.

Finally reaching the Ambassador's quest quarters, Spock nodded to Selek again before he said, "I do hope that your stay aboard the Enterprise is pleasant Ambassador. I must now return to the bridge. My apologizes."

Selek tilted his head downward. "I am sure that my stay will be agreeable Spock," he agreed. "But I thank you for your personal touches to my quarters."

Spock nodded again, but didn't say anything, instead turning on his heel and walking down the hall and into the turbo lift. Selek chuckled to himself as he entered his quarters, allowing himself a sigh as the warm air embraced him. 'This will be quite an interesting trip,' he thought to himself, a small and all too knowing smile on his face.

**(xXxXxXx)**

A/N: Can you see the obvious differences? :) Yeah, don't be afraid of the changes. There are still puzzle pieces that need to be played and everything will come into place, I assure you. :) Review and ask questions please! :) Good night!


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